Friday, June 21, 2013

Unavoidable Truths

It's Friday.  I've done more writing in the past week than I've done in years.

I wanted to share a list  I started mentally preparing when I turned 40.  I tend to think of the items on it as "truisms".  If you look that word up in the dictionary it says "obvious truths".  They do seem obvious when written down, but it took me the better part of 40 years to realize some of them. It makes me feel pretty silly that it took me this many years to realize something that is supposed to be an "obvious" truth.  So I prefer to define them as unavoidable truths because no matter how hard I've tried to run from them, they've found me over and over again through the years. You keep getting the lesson until you learn it.   It's turned into a kind of top ten list at this point.

10. I will always hate to exercise.  There is no magic Zumba/Pilates/yoga/shake weight/ kickboxing  miracle that is going to make it delightful for me.  But it needs to be done.  Nike has it right.  Just do it.

9. Confrontation is uncomfortable but necessary.  Go into any confrontation with your dial set on one whether it be a confrontation that is face to face, an e-mail, or a phone call.  If you go in with it set on 10, you have nowhere else to go. There is no Spinal Tap amp you can set to 11.   People will stop taking anything you say seriously when you have your dial set on 10 all the time.  If need be, wait an hour or a day or a week, but don't postpone it indefinitely.  No matter what the outcome, you'll feel better after you've dealt with the issue.

8. Look for happy in the little.  You might occasionally get happy in the big form - the wedding, the birth, the award- but those are few and far between in a long life.  You'll spend a lot of time waiting for the happy if you don't find it in the little.  The little is what makes up the big picture.

7. I hate liars.  Nothing makes me angrier than being lied to.  If I say something, I need to mean it or I'm just as guilty.

6. There is a fine line between discerning what is right for yourself and being judgmental of others.  Stay on the discerning side of the line for yourself.  Don't cross over to judgment of others if you can manage it.

5. Pick your battles or you spend way too much time at war. 

4. Don't expect others to make you happy.  It's your job.

3. Let things go.  I still struggle with this all the time.  I know it to be true, and yet I still can't do it the majority of my waking hours.  I have to constantly remind myself that things are not worth staying mad about for years. Still lots of work to be done in this arena for me.

2.  Some people like talking more than walking.  Avoid these people.  They are very tiresome.  Whenever someone starts to go on about how hard they work or how much they do, I want to put my head down and go to sleep.  When I get tempted to start talking, I need to remember to shut up and recall my contempt for this.  Get back to walking.

1. Love is doing.  It's nice to feel it and say it, but without the action to back it up, it's not love.

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